Phantom Whispers

winter

This winter is already hanging heavy on me but it also has its bright sparkles.
On December 15, 2014, my sister, brother and I watched my father, Samuel J. Miller, take his last breath, at home with the Messiah playing in the background.
Dad was home from the hospital under hospice care as dialysis was no longer an option. He had go to the hospital due to strokes. We never knew how many or how bad they could have been because the MRI itself would have been too confusing for him.
When he was home we had a hard time getting Dad to stay in bed even though most of his legs muscles were weak from bed rest at the hospital, etc. He wanted to get up to get ready for the trip. Didn't take a genius to figure out that Dad knew on a deep level knew what was happening even when he didn't acknowledge it.
What made this so interesting was Dad was much more concerned for the strangers that were also going on this trip. He often asked us if we had food and bedding for the strangers. We had to make sure to have enough for the whole trip and "we don't want to leave anyone behind".
He was much more concerned for others than he was himself.
Dad is on his trip with the strangers he is taking care of. He was ready for the journey but he leaves a huge gap in my heart that is trying to heal itself. It will take time. Lots of it.
I had my Dad for 95 glorious years. I was so lucky. Have a great trip, Dad. Say hi to Mom and Carlisle

And the sparkles? Other than the brightness of my Dad? I was published in Pages with my Can Do Journal. I did a YouTube video on plying cord. Both were new to me. The biggest sparkle of all was my granddaughter. She is the brightest, sweetest sparkle of all.

So say farewell to our old year and welcome with open arms the new year...thes best is yet to come.

Finallly

Finally

I’ve had a list in my head of things I want to accomplish. I don’t write this list down as it becomes scary and overwhelming and some of the items on the list are much too fragile to be tossed around on paper.

But every so often I will, finally, (and I mean finally, it can range from months to years) gander at my mental list and give myself a shake.

Today, I brushed myself off and submitted an article to a well known publication. It’s not my first time doing it but it’s not something I do a lot but I need to do more. It wasn’t hard. Okay, it was a little bit as I had to remind myself of the proper format for an outline. And thinking so linearly does not come easy to me. But the most important lesson I need to remind myself of is:

It s never as hard as I fear it will be in my head. Never.

Why I build these things up into scary monsters is beyond me. I mean, I teach workshops and I have done for over 15 years. Anytime you put yourself out there you risk rejection. Oh my.

What does that possible rejection really mean in my life? Well, it would mean that someone just wasn’t taken with my proposal. Shoot, that has happened before. I don’t like it. Not one little bit. But isn’t it worse to not try at all and never know? And besides, I can submit the proposal elsewhere so not even my time was wasted. If someone I don’t know didn’t choose to accept my work how does that really lessen me in anyway.

Oh yeah, my ego. The ego hates when not everyone loves it. Doesn’t matter if it loves everyone else back. They are just supposed to love me. Wow, what a poor excuse to use to not try something.

So, anyway, I submitted a proposal to day.

Magpie Sister Unite!

For many years I have been drawn to things that sparkle and shine as well as old, rusty, beaten out of shape things. I used to feel alone in this but my husband, the Mailman, would show his love for me by bring home things he found mashed in the dirt or laying on the ground while walking his route. They’d be lovely rusty things for the most part but I kept them with my other batches of goodies.
Enter a new friend around 14 years ago. She had the thing for sparkle as badly as I did, if not more. We’d walk into a store and hang together for a bit and them we’d split up as we each found Magpie treasures which we would share with each other. And we taught together and created together. I started calling us the Magpie Sisters.
Now Magpies have many qualities attributed to them. They are part of the crow family so they are smart and they can recognize themselves in a mirror. In some cultures they are bringers of good luck and good fortune and the coming of good company but in others such as the West they are seen more as thieves as they have a fondness for stuff, especially shiny things. They will happily gather goodies to bring home to their nests. Stories have been told of watches and jewelry found in their nests, obviously not the Magpie’s.
So overlooking the thievery aspect and focusing more on the love of shiny things and cleverness I am putting out a call to my Magpie Sisters. I know you all are out there. I’ve meet a number of you and know a few online. Let us throw of our dark disguises and show how glorious we are. I know you are glorious. What, you aren’t seeing it? Well go back to the mirror and use your Magpie eyes. See those lines around your eyes? Those come from squinting to see through the haze of the life around you, to see clearly what is there. See the lines on your forehead? Those are from trying to concentrate on the important things rather than all the noise and fury of the world around. And those lines around your mouth? Those are laugh lines as you laughed at the silliness of it all. You are beautiful as only you can be.
So gather your Magpie garments and treasures and let the rest of the world see how amazing you are. Join me my Magpie Sisters! Share your love of sparkles and rust and have no fear. You are not alone.

Here I am

I know I haven't written for ages. That is not the way I want to start.
I haven't written for every so long for a number of reasons.
1. I didn't want to fill the blog with my whining and complaining, I went through a long stretch here it seemed like all that was coming out of my mouth (or fiingers, as the case may be) was complainants a whining over an old college roommate that needed a place to get on her feet. That ran into almost of year and needed to be over sooner. Unfortunately it didn't end well and the old friend doesn't seem to be one anymore. Somehow giving her a deadline three months out wasn't enough warning for her.
2. I didn't feel like I was doning anything that needed commmenting on. This makes it sound like I didn't do anything in the ensuing time. Not true, I made great new friends, deepened some old friendships, was published in Lesley Riley's book of illustrated quotations, sold paintings and more.
3. I get moody and down in the dumps and don't feel lik everyone needs to hear my moping. I't's not all I do but when the depression hits it's just not pretty and I don't want to be around me.
4. My joints and muscles don't move the way they used to. I have days that are pretty entrenched with ibuprofen. Particularly since the broken arm thing two years ago.
5. And right now, my Dad, who is 94 is starting a long decline. This last month or two have been full of calls to 911 and trips to the emergency room. My sister and brother have been bearing the brunt of this. Bless them. My brother Stanford had been absent from the family for about 10 years or so. There would be an occasional phone call and promises of trips to visit but the trips didn't work out. Most of the time we had no idea what he was up to. And he really hasn't told us. And that is okay, he's here now and he is being great with caring for Dad. Last month my Dad's kidneys failed, he started dialysis for three times a week for three hours each time. My sister is using her family leave time from work to take Dad back and forth to dialysis. They are trying to set up shuttle service now and it looks like that finally Dad can get the power wheelchair that he has been wanting for a while. The three of us kids should be able to seing the copay together so that will be a relief and I sort of let his doctor and medicare that I I was afraidt they might be holding out on the wheel chair in hopes that he would pass first.

Anyhow, that is what has happened/is happening on the personal front. My art life gets pushed back in the hurry to take care of everyone else. My beautiful blue hair has now washed out to a strange blondish color. I wanted to get it cut short today and colored red but no one wants to do that on short notice and I don't wnat to make an appointment a week out. I just want to do it. In less about a week I will be 60. It bothers me. I don't feel 60...most of the time...when I'm not moving. :-) I'm fine with gray hair and being a grandmother but 60 is old. I know I could live years longer but mortality is there looking me in the face and I don't like it. It's beats the alternatives, I know , but I still sdon't like it. I am feeling jaded and old and I don't like it.

So now that I have reintroduced myself to you I can promise a more cheery, artier post next time. Honest, hang with me. It will be worth it...honest. :-)

It's been ages

What else is new? Truly, I've been prodded by comments from folks who haven't read the blog by the things they say. Now this is my first time blogging using my cell phone. Its weird and I'm not inspired to write a lot with this hunt and peck method.

I've been painting my dining room. The ceiling is done and the work on the walls is going tediously slow due to rediscovering a stamped design I had done years ago that had been hidden by a huge mirror. Well the Mailman liked the design so now I am painting around it. Tedious but I think it is looking okay.

Of course, I want to paint other things but until this is done and some order out of this chaos appears that won't be happening.

I will be having my Dad and sister coming here for Thanksgiving and I am looking forward to it and trying to not panic at all the things to do and remember it's about those we love and thanks, not my housekeeping.

You all take care.

Walking the dogs has become one of my major endeavors in life. I say walk the dogs but really I just take them to the dog park and follow them. I walk. I sit. I enjoy the smell of the trees and the breeze on my cheeks. I have to drive to the dog park, about 15 minutes each way. The dogs dislike the drive as I finally got a dog barrier for my car. Beside my car being a total mess, the boys were starting to become a distraction when driving. Not a good thing. Hence the barrier. But they don't like it. Tino cries like when he was a puppy. Flynn seems fine until the trip home and then he doesn't want to jump up into the car or be picked up. He hates being picked up.
But the plus side to this all is that the dogs and I are getting exercise. Fresh air and exercise. Both have been a huge help as we sit out the last month of having a housemate.
Other than that I have done a couple little paintings and one larger one. I'm taking a year long online class with Mindy Lacefield. Each month a new project. I love her painting style and use of color so that is mainly what I want to work on in this workshop.
And I have a workshop with Lana Guerra on making delightfully twisty dolls. I haven't done anything in the workshop yet but it has been hard to get computer time. Seems I need to work along with the video. So I need to gather my supplies and get cracking.
So, short but I hope sort of sweet, that's some of the stuff going on around here. I have some books working in my head both written and physical. Now if I could just get them out of there and into the real world.....dang it would actually be kind of scary if I could just manifest things...but I wander.
So, in closing< have a wonderful weekend. Hug your loved ones and smile at strangers.

Right now

I made myself sit down and do another layer on these wee paintings.  Okay, not truly wee but small as they are 3” x 3” in size. 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/phantomwhispers/8353058572/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/phantomwhispers/8353056892/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/phantomwhispers/8351992759/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/phantomwhispers/8353053460/

 I was fighting with myself about painting the noses.   My Critic was in charge for a few days until the Muse and Child shut him in the closet so they could play.  The Critic could be heard shouting but fortunately no one could understand what he said. 

Thus some painting got done.  There is more work to do.

I have a plan brewing.  A Gathering of friends.  It’s all new to me and exciting.   Once I have more details I’ll share more.  Until then Live well.

doris

What has been happening & Happy New Year!

I have a good excuse this time for being gone so long.  Honest...

Back in May we had a college roommate move in with us until she could get on her feet.  Now college was a long time ago, so we've known her for over 37 years (augh, really?).  She has taken over my computer for filling out applications.  I let her but I didn't think it was going to be this long.  I don't know if my computer will survive this.  Anyhow, no job yet but she has a generous move out deadline.

So, she was on my computer...a lot. 

I have discovered things about myself.  I have found I really have a hard time doing much of anything when there is someone else around...who talks...a lot...who comments on pieces I have just started and don't want to talk about.  Anyhow, it's not her fault but I'll be glad when she is settled elsewhere (as will she).

Onward to other news...

We have a yurt!   I am so glad that we now have a structure (other than my outhouse) at our property.  Our 20' yurt is a warm and snug place we won't have to set up every time we go to the property.   We have a sleeping platform and everything.   We can now cook on our stove without the wind whipping the flames around.   The Mailman has been awesome, doing most of the work himself and maintaining his pleasant demeanor.  

 

There is a guy in the area who helped The Mailman set up the yurt and was also going to paint a mural on the outside of the yurt to cover the stains (it's a used yurt that had been packed away for a while).  He got started but the weather got too cold and his paints started to freeze on him.   Whether he finishes or not, isn't a big deal because we can paint as well so ...

This Christmas we got a surprise visit from my nephew, the Construction Guy.  It's been about 9 years since we last got to see him.  He's my brother Carlisle's son.  Carl is deceased now but I can see his wrinkles in Construction Guy's forehead.

And here are a couple pictures of two of other favorite guys, Firstborn Son and Produce Guy.  

I'm one lucky gal.   I hope you all have a blessed new year!!! 

 

I hav

Please excuse the dust and cobwebs, Part Two

So, I think I left you all with me breaking my elbow.   As you might be able to tell I am doing much better now.  I'd take you through the whole misery of the emergency room ordeal (all 11 hours of it) but frankly, I don't want to go through it again.  So just know it was awful.  The doc on call actually janked my arm once but then he hit his head on the lamp so I figured it was kind of a trade off.

After getting home I was sent to a specialist who turned out to be the same guy who did my carpal tunnel surgeries on both wrists.   Good doctor but kind of a cold guy but he had a good PA, Douglas, that helped with the bed side manner part.  I wound up having to have surgery on my arm because it was such a small place to try to immoblize and I have so much tissue there (read that as I'm fat and the fat moves around too much to isolate the bone).  Not one doctor would say the word fat, they'd hem and haw and I would say, you mean because I am fat?, fluffy?  Obese?  Of course that is what they meant but wouldn't or couldn't say.  But at least they knew I was aware of the issues.  

We tried using a cast for about two weeks but that didn't help as my arm fat kept allowing everything to move.  So it was surgery time.   I'm going to spare you all the details of that as well because for me it is over now.   I have two months of wearing an external fixator.   It was four metal pins that were set into my arm bones held together with a bar so that I could not move my arm.  Everyday the dressings needed to be changed and the pins cleaned with hydrogen peroxide.  I had a splint as well to keep everything in place.   Much of this time was hazzy for me as I was on major drugs to keep the pain under control.

A week before the pins came out I started physical therapy.  Painful but so needed.   I can now say that I am sure that without my doctor and my physical therapist I wouldn't have the function back in my arm like I do now and it just gets better as time passes.   I had an amazing doctor who did a great job on my arm and Mary, my therapist made me wok and stretch the arm to get my mobility and flexability back.   I can't thank them enough.  I made a small book for Dr. Lawson (I'm planning one for Mary, too) and he was so touched he hugged me (he asked if it was okay first).  I was so surprised and really touched.  I mean this is a guy that just doesn't do that kind of stuff normally.

Anyhow, I'm back at about as good as I'm going to get.  So I hope to post more often.  But I'll warn you.  I've had an old friend move in with us for a while.  I've have to share my computerwith her for job hunts.  So I don't always have the computer when I'd like to.  But as you already know, I can't blame her as I am a sporatic poster.  Sorry about that.  I will try to do better though :-)

Take care and play nice.  

Please forgive the dust and cobwebs...

I know.  It has been forever since I last posted on this blog.  At least this time I've had a really good excuse.  For those of you who have heard this before, forgive me.  For those that haven't, at the end of January of this year, I took a little slip while walking my dog at the park.  That little slip broke my elbow and dislocated it as well.   Now, you and I both know that there is no such thing as an elbow bone.   What really happened is I broke off the tip of the radial head that also has the ligament (I think it was the ligament.  Honestly, I should know but I was on a lot of medication once they started treated me and I really didn't care what it was just make the pain stop). 

I was taking my dog, Tino to the park on a misty damp day.  The dog park was closed but I figured we'd do a little walk around the park.  Tino and I had gotten in the habit of him waiting in the car while I worked out at Curves and then we would drive to the dog park and he'd get his exercise as well.   He loved it and who was I to ignore those big beautiful eyes begging to go to the park.

The dog park was closed due to downed branches from a recent wind storm.  We parked at took a walk up this slight hill.  I was taking pictures with my phone and playing with the settings.  All was well.  Then we headed back to the car down a slight slope.  Tino was being very good and not pulling on the leash when I stepped onto some wet leaves with my old beat up shoes.   Out slides my foot from under me.  I reach back with my right hand to catch myself as I had Tino's leash in my left hand.  Crunch and pop went my arm as I landed on my butt.  I remember thinking "oh, that's not good" and being gratedful that it was fairly numb already.  I knew that wasn't a good sign.  Tino was worried so I had to stay calm for him (which was quite good really).  I called  The Mailman on my cell phone and told him I needed help.  He was at work and told me he'd call me back after talking to his supervisor.   After deeming that this was indeed a time for The Mailman to leave work he called me back and I explained badly where I was in the park as we weren't in our usual spot.

While waiting for The Mailman, I figured that I wasn't that far from the car and Tino was getting antsy.   Big mistake, the same foot slipped out and I caught myself again with my already messed up right arm.   I felt what seemed like bone on bone contact in the elbow.

I figured sitting on my butt in the mud was a good option.  So there I sat, trying to keep Tino calm and not get too cold sitting on the mud waiting for The Mailman.

When at last I saw The Mailman coming I let loose of Tino's leash.   Tino ran for The Mailman, his human, and proceded to bark wildly at him.  It took at bit to get it through to Tino that this was one of his human here to help the other human.  Once that was worked out, The Mailman walked me to my car and then proceded to brush the mud off of me before letting me get into the car.   I said just get a towel on the seat and get me to the d**n hospital.  Which he did.

My arm is tired now and I've had to correct a bunch of typos and I am sure I've missed more, so I will sign off now and  continue this epic saga later.

Thanks for listening :-)